[background music:]
8 years.
Someone occasionally have the courage to see me jokingly that are almost always sad, even if I add a "last" in my sentences.
It 's true, it is never the last period. Now I am 8 years old. On balance, the bulk is started from there. Not all situations are resolved in a couple of days. Not all situations you can solve them.
The funny thing is that I do not recall that beginning with next to nothing! I remember the general feeling, I remember some sporadic scenes, I think all three, but I do not remember anything else. And that is a childhood memories (well, teenager) has several. But sometimes things happen that changes your life forever, and sometimes are times when, suddenly, you find the world upside down, sometimes, as in my case, there is no bang, but a high tide: you know you will, then arrives, engulfs everything in the morning and at night he goes back. My high tide, however, when she returned the next night, nobody ever went.
The first time, eight years ago, has changed everything. It 's true, after having messed up, messed up and turned the lives of everyone involved, it seemed all over ... but never came back as before. The sense of anxiety, fear, nervousness, the concern is not if they have never gone, have continued to hover on my little kingdom, day after day. Then, three years ago, everything has turned again and this time permanently. The sun has set, the water has risen and remained so throughout, including storms and darkness, an occasional ray of moonlight, now is not seen in a while '. And it will not be seen for a while ', while waiting for the last tsunami that will sweep away everything. Then everything will be different, once again, but as it never was.
strange life: 8 years to hope, sometimes even to believe that everything could be solved and find yourself not wanting to see it end. As if enough the thought!
8 years where I learned to lie, to pretend, because sometimes they really are the best things to do, where I was amazed at how our body can turn against us, and I'm angry about how difficult it is if not impossible, to use our will to control something, the years when I figured out how to hide your emotions but not how to control them to prevent them from exploding, 8 years where I tried to control everything in the vain hope of stopping at least part of what I was trying to grasp and, instead, was slipping through our hands. 3 years of disillusionment and anger, 1 year without the acceptance of awareness, 3 months of blackouts, expectation and fear. Certainly I would not be a sixteen year old bouncy and cheerful in any case, I had the usual teenage complex, the usual arguments with her mother, the reproaches of his father, the anger with her sister, etc. ... but not so. So
reproach that I always feel like a joke, no matter how I try to find humor, does not make me laugh, because if I could reset everything, bring everything back to normal, I would without a moment's hesitation! But you can not, I can only keep these 8 years knowing that most likely, to my face hurts like hell to admit it, will not become 9 and will end just as nobody would have wanted to see them end. After coming back to breathe again, like, But I do not know and to be honest, just thinking about that time I find intolerable, because it implies that this was the thing that nobody would ever happen, but, unfortunately, can not hide forever behind a vial of morphine.
"All I have, all I need, is the air I would kill to breathe
Holds His Hands in my love, I'm still searching for something
Out of breath, I am left Hoping someday I'll breathe again"
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